Storm Season

Every spring. Every spring it seems we go through this, the meltdowns, the sudden inability of Jude to regulate himself at all. Just last week he was happy, playing, sweet, funny. Now the storms have come, blowing in with no warning and wreaking havoc on our lives. I am hanging on for dear life.

I know why some children pound their heads. Sometimes you just have to do something.

Screaming one minute, sobbing broken hearted the next. Waves, wind. Every year it gets harder because he gets bigger. I don't want him to hurt himself, or anyone else. I wish I could stand there and absorb the blows, if it would make anything better. It might make me feel better, but I don't know why. If someone you love has never screamed in agony while you stood by helplessly, you are very lucky, very blessed.

When a storm comes. you have to hold on tight. Wait it out. Try not to get hurt. Things can be replaced, right? Isn't that what they always say? Toys, doors, stuff get broken, and my heart, my heart gets broken, over and over and over again, and I have to convince myself, one more time, that there is someone asleep in the boat, unconcerned, and that it will be okay when He wants it to be, and not one minute before that, and that we will not be lost, no, it will be alright in the end.